Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"This must be it, welcome to the New Year"

Thought I'd sneak one in before 2009.

So things have been moving along pretty fast. Christmas break feels like it just started but I'm going back to DSM the weekend of the 10th to hopefully work, but either way to not be at my house..it gets boring after a while. So twin cities kids who want to hang out before then-lets do it.
On the 22nd my grandpa passed away. It was a strange feeling since he had Alzheimers for at least 5 years. My extended family all came into town the day after Christmas and we had the funeral on Monday. It was weird, and I felt kinda bad, but I was so much more sad at my grandpa's mass than I was at my grandma's this past spring. Apparently all my relatives decided I was his favorite grandchild, which is funny because my grandpa was always so gruff. I suppose he did give me a love for fixing things and how to use tools, how to drive a boat, and clean a fish. I miss him, but the real him if you know what I mean. The last couple times I went to see him he didn't remember me at all and I was the last person in the family he recognized, so that was hard. So I feel like wherever he is he's probably getting annoyed by my grandma and he's yelling right back at her. At least he's himself again. He was a WWII vet so he was buried at Fort Snelling cemetary, it was kinda cool, 21 gun salute (upon hearing Kai asked if there were fireworks-haha), and they folded the flag and gave it to my mom along with 3 shells. It was neat, I thought.
Anyway, the fam all left on Tuesday. It was fun, got Kai addicted to old school ninja turtles-woot.
So new years tonight should be fun, going out dancing with a few people. It seems like 2008 kinda flew past, I didn't even see it.

writing...... :

This is us walking.
Your lengthy sleeves float down over your fingers and I long to be held.
The dew is seeping through my socks, making this trek even colder.
Crunching through the leaves you turn, making sure I’m still here.
It is dusk now, and the red-orange glow is a nice light to walk by.
This is us seeing.
No the wind has blown hair into my face.
I keep this mask on as long as it will let me.
All so that you cannot see the uncertainly in my eyes.
You know, anyway, and say everything is alright.
This is us pretending.
Up the gnarled path, around the edge and stop.
And now we’ve put gloves on and hoods up.
My favorite season.
Wrapping a scarf around me, feel a tug and I jump.
Turn to see it was you pulling closer. “Watch the sun go away,” you say.
This is us being.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble

So hey look at this, twice in a month!
Anyway happy turkey day...I hope everyone is nice and stuffed at this moment.
So, updates. Urinetown went fairly well. Yay that it's over though. Some Girl(s) is going up this coming week, which probably won't be too stressful considering there is next to no set.
Hopefully getting an SLR soon, have to decide for sure which one I want. Also in photo news, I'm excited for the Digital Photo/Art of the Narrative class next semester.
So right now I'm sitting at home, watching Disney movies with my sister. Exciting I know, but I'm also working on a paper that has taken me forever and a day for some reason. It is on Howl's Moving Castle. I actually love the movie but find the book less than thrilling, which is strange, usually I love the book more. If you haven't seen it I recommend it highly.
Also did my design for my make-up final. Woot, it's turning out a lot better than I thought it would. Perhaps I'll be ambitious and do my painting-style design too.
Last night we went to Wicked again. That was cool. I think I actually liked the cast as a whole better besides Fiyero. His voice was awkwardly high. Good actor...voice just didn't fit. Technically the show is amazing. I spent most of my time figuring out the lights haha and without realizing it. There were a lot fewer mic problems this time around which made me happy. It's nice to hear someone singing in their highest register without the mic making obscene sounds. Haha Mike would have loved it.

Anyways writing: this is from poetry class last semester, I think I did this while watching a movie or something, because I just found it and don't remember writing it...ha oh well the professor liked it.

20 Questions

As cruel as the color of the sky after a storm,
Across, across the open.
But the damp grass, freshly cut seems far and out of reach.
Your hands run through the dewy blades,
A blooming lotus finds its way to your touch
That same caressing touch,
Found in the tangled web of a lovers’ soft nest.
The solid bundle sits under the stairs,
Look up at the ceiling and see a collage of unsightly posters.
Understood your crass statement as affection,
And it only fanned the flame, sparks bouncing off the walls.
And you try, you go, you finally cry out “victory!” and it’s done.
The squawk you just exerted cut short.
I bit down, and licked the blood flowing down my lips,
My lips that are cracked like eggshells.
And you, still wanting, perhaps wondering,
and still chasing a playful, most willing, cloud.

Friday, November 7, 2008

"The world is spinning way too fast..."

Until this year I hadn't realized (or maybe it just wasn't a problem last year) that so many people in college are still acting like they are in high school. Or worse yet, pretending that because they on their own they've matured. Sometimes I feel like I'm older than some of the seniors, not to mention the people in my own class. I mean I like to have fun and act crazy, you know that, but there just comes a point where you use your own better judgment. Also this year, our theatre department has become a lot more rumor driven and caddy. Ugh. I'm glad I have friends outside the department.


Aaaaaand, done ranting.

So we're going into tech for Urinetown this weekend. Getting kinda stressed as assistant lighting designer seeing as every other day we have a problem with our dimmers or circuits, or the fun event on Halloween when the mover stopped working (its fixed now-yay). Also, loads of projects...which is annoying since they are in theatre classes and we have a show opening, but oh well. Having fun in stage make-up, looking like something new everyday.

Went to the show at UNI with mike & avery, The Hush Sound played first and were suprisingly good live, so that made me happy. The Spill Canvas, 4th time seeing them, grrreat as usual. I was glad they didn't just play catchy songs to entertain the general college population. Sadly Augustana was unable to play last minute since the lead singer got hurt. OneRepublic was the headliner, and honestly it's only lately that I've gotten into them. A-mazing live, very impressive. So all in all a fun experience, though the guys and I kept observing light and audio FX. Ha, don't put an audio guy and two electricians at a show and expect us to not find every little thing wrong and praise the things that look and sound great.

Just signed up for classes, and it's looking like a lot of work what with Sound Design, Intro to Design, and Seminar in Adv. Design Stage Properties/Special FX. Yikes. Not to mention 3 more classes.

Monday, October 20, 2008

back to the good old days

Today made me pretty happy. Got my hair cut...rather short actually. Ooo and I voted!
Besides doing laundry, the highlight of my day was that I got to sit outside and look at the leaves. This is my favorite season, I like to just stare up at the branches. I walked to a park by my house and actually finally wrote something. Hopefully I will edit them enough to put up here sometime. Sometimes, but only sometimes, I miss being home.
Going back to Drake tomorrow, but I think I'm going to have to draft all night long. Oh well, I will have my music to keep me company while drafting a lamppost with multiple views! Plus, sushi on Wednesday w/Mike & Matt I believe. Wooot.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

So far...

alright, so apparently I won't ever get the hang of this whole updating regularly thing. just deal.
So I'm back at my house now, and seriously not even an hour into being here, my mother has gotten mad at me. Do I know why? For once, no. You would assume that telling a parent that you have potential job opportunities for the summer pertaining to your major that they would be happy right? wrong. wrong. wrong.
Anyway, I don't want this to turn into a rant. So. These past couple weeks have been strange. My head is confused, which is lame, I like knowing what is going on at least within my own mind.
Also, I have been reminiscing about "home" but I've come to realize that all the good times I'm remembering are not with my parents or at my house. Which in a way is sad, but honestly it doesn't matter anymore. This weekend my plans are to spend most of my time with friends, and hopefully I'll see my grandma too.
Let's see, last weekend I went home with one of my roomies, Amanda, that was sweet, even though it was Wisconsin. We went to her house right outside Madison, then to Milwaukee for a day. I had fun, we watched trashy tv shows and actually acted a tad bit like girls for a while, until we freaked ourselves out.
Ooo also, we rearanged our living room in the apartment and added a futon. Freakin sweet.
Then this sorta short week got kinda weird, but got through it by working on papers, drafting, hanging lots of lights, and cooking last night with Mike & Avery. That was a good time. Plus I got to make cookies. Yay. Although now I think it's my turn for a backrub.
So tomorrow going to St. Cloud with Tyler to watch a Huskies game. Wooooot I love hockey. I'm still a little bitter about the fact that Drake doesn't have a team. Laaaaaaame.
I want to write something more entertaining than my real life, so hopefully this will be a productive writing time and fun fall break.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

growing

aaaaand i have gotten terribly bad at adding things. cool.
it seems that things have gotten crazy a lot faster this year. i can't figure out if this is bad or if i enjoy the distraction it provides. but it is definitely a new year. loving living in drake west village. woot.
already had someone come visit, already went on a road trip...to mason city haha. It's all been really fun though, which i had almost assumed wouldn't happen this year.
somehow got roped into working on Exit the King....sound design, hmm...not gonna lie i really don't want to include that Hannah Montana song......bleh. luckily we're not far behind at all on this show....yet.
But the rest of the semester shouldn't be too bad. assistant lights for Urinetown, M.E. for Some Girl(s). Should be good.
Also, hoping to make a trip to Chicago soon....
Anyways, all this has prevented, or distracted me at least from writing, which is kind've upsetting me. I should get on that. Right after i do a shit ton of homework.

By the way, i wish i had a porch to sit and write on.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

summmertime

hmm so it's been a while. again.
I've decided that something is messed up with my computer. I don't like it. Not one bit. Normally i can figure out what's going on and it's not that big of a deal, but i have no clue this time. Help-anybody who knows a lot about Macs/Firefox?

Also frustrating: drake housing. Apparently we are living at 3 separate addresses this year...yep and a couple days ago we had no room number, but were somehow living on two different floors. But still, I'm excited to live somewhere that there is a kitchen and bathrooms and such.

Highlight of the week was warped on sunday. It was strange at first, it not being at the metrodome and all. but it was really cool actually, with the exception of say anything not being able to play. I was glad to see people from high school and drake in the same place. I love the feeling of comraderie, even when you haven't seen people in a long time. It was a good time all in all.

Things to do before I leave in about 15 days...
-at least one more bonfire
-pack...ugh
-eat my fill of non-campus food
-go to milwaukee
-state fair the first day, since i leave the next
-see as many people as possible

we'll see how that all that works out


Friday, July 25, 2008

a good time

so yesterday ali boyd and i drove up to duluth. the trip started out a little rocky with a bunch of road construction, nearly getting hit on a highway up on a cliff, and then getting lost trying to find rob's apartment. but it all ended up being amazing, we got there around 3, then went out to eat, where our waitress said unnatural things like: "thank you kindly". we then parked illegaly and wandered through an old chicago to get to the other side of the street. waiting outside of grandmas, was funny, discussing the different ages of people and who they were there to see.
so, needless to say, the spill canvas and mcs were amazing. not too excited about sing it loud, although it seems they are a favorite in duluth. it's been a long time since i've been that happy just to jump around and sing. it was great, i'd almost forgotten that carefree adrenaline feeling.
afterwards we continued the excitement hanging out with rob's friends at his apartment. it was just nice. i like meeting new people, and these didn't disappoint. just a lot of laughter and talking. ha although our attempt at going to visit the valley of silence at 2am didn't go so well, tromping through the woods in the dark...creepy to say the least.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

songs

soundtrack of my life is currently:

losing myself -plain white t's
all over you -the spill canvas
where is my mind? -the pixies
am i just one -carey ott
best i'll ever be -sister hazel

...doing my best to change that.

suggestions for replacements?


Monday, June 30, 2008

short and sweet

Wow, so it's been awhile. It's been weird for the past couple days, since my sister left on saturday for her friends cabin, she's going to be gone at various camps for basically the whole month of july. I haven't been treated like an only child in so long...and I don't know if i like it. I mean, you get more attention, but also, I don't want attention. There's only you to focus on, ick.
But hey, birthday in about a week..that should be fun, last teen year, but not really any new benefits.
Oo and today I managed to sell my textbooks, not to drake though, i'm not stupid enough to take like 5 bucks for a book that cost over 100. makes me happy to get money back for books that I refused to open ever again. take that drake journalism school. I rid myself of your tedious bullshit. ha I'm not actually that bitter, I just hate unnecessary work.
Anyways, just a little snippet for today:



And apart from flaking skin falling silent as snow,

the playground is still.
Silly, but this place calms me like a scared second-grader.
Any qualms left in my greasy lungs are quieted by the deserted swings,
swaying in a sweaty breeze.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

a day just like any other

Soooo, just writing for you tonight, dug this out of a notebook full of light cues, how sad am I? jeez.


This should be called: I was bored to death in the booth during a dance recital


And the hinges on the double paned window swing.

So you are simplified now?
I’m frozen, freezing, cold.
Like the ice stuck to your windshield.
Overbearing and stubborn.
I still hope you will be found in the sun-drenched meadow,
or maybe just asleep, thoughtfully, and in your own bed, of course.
And what a good start, for the child to be brought out into your soul.
The window is still swinging dear.
Just a reminder.
20/20 vision and you still can’t see past your nose.
And my sentimentality is over….now.
Relieved?
As am I.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

just so

k so it's been a few days, not much has happened, had some adventures with Nick though-yay! just been working a bunch. going to Kaela's tonight-woot, trying to make the most of things. chatting is nice.
.
.
.
.
.
so tonight was fun-i haven't laughed that much in a long time. mmm the smell of bonfire-love it.

k sorry but it's old again:

Everything In Its Own Time

Spinning, somewhat like a record
Casting eerie forms upon the wall.
A grandfather clock ticks away unaware.
The candle flickers and wax drips.
The stair creaks and the floorboards moan in exhaustion.
Everything is afflicted with the same illness.
The hearts that live here have become too heavy, to aggrieved.
The man with his feeble mind yet tender thoughts
and the woman so condescending, so inwardly mournful.
They realize that all they once had in common has disappeared.
All that is left is an old house-full of forgotten memories.
These treasures were never to be found again,
hidden so deep in spirit and mind with no one brave enough to attempt the extraction.
And so as the shadows glance from wall to wall, for the last time, everything suddenly stops,
all except for the clock which just keeps ticking, unaware.




Monday, June 16, 2008

Still Left Wondering

So after spending the day at work, brett came over and we spent the night watching ninja turtles and making smores-i love being 5 years old! woot. it was fun. miss someone. that's about it. hoping, waiting. you know the drill.

Alabama

Ghosts dance through Dixie,
and find a craw fish boil in the spring.
Quite a few stories remaining largely deconstructed at a fork in the road.
Surrounded by cotton gins.
Something new slowly pieced together.
One still remains beside an overgrown river cemetery.
Once an attic town with visions of abandoned hamlets and disappeared places.
Travelers visiting chapters of history,
walking in shadows.
Journey through a tortured, haunting war.



Saturday, June 14, 2008

Stop Floooooding

Today started out rough, ended fairly happily. That's always good, better than the other way around right? Other than getting sick and having to leave work early, most things were fine. Storming again tonight, what else is new. Of course me being sooo intelligent, I was still sitting out on our trampoline when the lightning started. Sheesh.

So to everyone still in Iowa, stay safe. mmmmk?

So tomorrow, Father's Day...wooo....see how excited I am to play golf? It will be alright, I just haven't played in about a year. Plus the whole actually getting up in the morning thing...lame. Ah, but then to be followed by a glorious lunch, with real homemade food! It's strange, but even though I've been home for almost a week, I have yet to eat a home cooked dinner, or really be home for dinner at all. Ooo and this is for the theatre people: Tony Awards, tomorrow 7pm, who's excited?
Sadly, I am.
And so on to the part where I share. (old also)

Trickery

A dangling thread, a temptation.
A tug, a crash.
It winds around, through, over, under and out.
Nothing can be done to untangle.
Nothing logical.
Nothing ethical.
This teasing string isn’t easy to explain.
Is it love, emotions, thought?
A ribbon of secrecy, floating, twisting, falling gracefully.
“Why does this enthrall you so?
Leave well enough alone.”
You’ve been given this advice all along, but should it be disregarded?
Are you sure it’s something you want to know just for the sake of knowing?
Too late.
It’s being blown out of your grasp anyways.
Learn to jump higher.



Friday, June 13, 2008

People are strange, when you're a stranger

I suppose me doing this everyday might get a bit old, but I have to say, things are turning out strangely. The world is strange and so are the people in it.
Sometimes strange is good. I'm looking forward to seeing what is in store.

Confused? Yea, me too.

This is old:

Tonight

Tonight the world ended.
Lights went out.
Smothered.
Tonight the stars burned out.
My path is now lit only by the faint moonlight.
The easiest way to forgive is to forget.
I hope that’s not true.
Tonight makes me cry,
it makes the day look different.
It makes everything and everyone look different.
As much as I think everyone needs change,
this perspective of life has me trembling,
whether from excitement or sadness I can’t tell.
Tonight is frightening and yet it is almost self-inflicted fear.
Nearly there but can’t make it.
Writing is easy when you feel you have no words.
Tonight the earth got spun of its track.
Spiraling through space is scarier than it seems.
Tonight I retained a friend.
Tonight my heart stopped.
Tonight I fell through darkness and when I awoke,
there was still black.
Tonight I can see someone with a candle walking this way.
They are still very far away.
So tonight I think I’ll sit down and wait for them.



Thursday, June 12, 2008

Slowly Responding

So today is a new day, and right now its actually sunny! hope that lasts. Yesterday I noticed that everything happens for a reason, even if they seem bad at the time. Good things are coming out of it already, so thats a plus I think. And so begins the next four days of my life, working 4-close. wooo... Today I think Barnes & Noble might be a possibility, seeing as I have no new books and it is summer, the best time for reading. Anyway, happy reading to you too:



Chatter. Chatter. Loophole.
Save yourself, as is your mannerism.
The burning edges of the leaf smokes out any chance
Of a gasping breath.
Worth is something to comprehend.
Not hardly,
but a greatness that we cannot attain.
And now, we’ve smashed up against this brick wall.
Nothing can faze you now.
Those eyes that made me shiver have gone dead.
No more joy or laughter.
What used to make sense, confuses me now,
Like nothing I have ever known.
Chatter. Chatter. You still can’t tell.
Loophole. You catch and swing right through.
Still smoldering, the leaf is shriveling,
no longer vibrant green, smaller it becomes.
As we go down the line, you notice a blank stare lurking in the shadows.


Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Just Okay

So time moves even slower when your heart is confused...who'd have thought? Ah well, so it goes.
Shambles describes my life, and somehow i feel relieved. I shall see i guess. And I'm being vague because I don't want to think about it, while at the same time getting it out. Thanks to the people who care. So enough of this. Here are some things I've written recently to distract you from my depressing state.


What To Do


Overheated motion.
Big burn spaces to fill.
Start eying most underdeveloped properties.
Get itchy and think.
Boom or bust.
Most beneficial relationships prove stale.
Move on, onlookers.
Such ways unsettling as marriage.
Hear that another just left.
Place attachments suddenly,
like a bolt, blue after months.
Offers refused.
Change seen insane.
Perfect sellout, quaint days!


Aware


And when I try to move, the stiffness sets deep in my arms.
The way those boards constrict me and my inner thoughts.
Tiny droplets, like pennies on your closed eyes
What a sight to see, strange as the sheen on your cheek
Aloud and wondering the right look to give,
an appropriate silence to love in.