short and sweet

Wow, so it's been awhile. It's been weird for the past couple days, since my sister left on saturday for her friends cabin, she's going to be gone at various camps for basically the whole month of july. I haven't been treated like an only child in so long...and I don't know if i like it. I mean, you get more attention, but also, I don't want attention. There's only you to focus on, ick.
But hey, birthday in about a week..that should be fun, last teen year, but not really any new benefits.
Oo and today I managed to sell my textbooks, not to drake though, i'm not stupid enough to take like 5 bucks for a book that cost over 100. makes me happy to get money back for books that I refused to open ever again. take that drake journalism school. I rid myself of your tedious bullshit. ha I'm not actually that bitter, I just hate unnecessary work.
Anyways, just a little snippet for today:



And apart from flaking skin falling silent as snow,
the playground is still.
Silly, but this place calms me like a scared second-grader.
Any qualms left in my greasy lungs are quieted by the deserted swings,
swaying in a sweaty breeze.

a day just like any other

Soooo, just writing for you tonight, dug this out of a notebook full of light cues, how sad am I? jeez.


This should be called: I was bored to death in the booth during a dance recital


And the hinges on the double paned window swing.
So you are simplified now?
I’m frozen, freezing, cold.
Like the ice stuck to your windshield.
Overbearing and stubborn.
I still hope you will be found in the sun-drenched meadow,
or maybe just asleep, thoughtfully, and in your own bed, of course.
And what a good start, for the child to be brought out into your soul.
The window is still swinging dear.
Just a reminder.
20/20 vision and you still can’t see past your nose.
And my sentimentality is over….now.
Relieved?
As am I.

just so

k so it's been a few days, not much has happened, had some adventures with Nick though-yay! just been working a bunch. going to Kaela's tonight-woot, trying to make the most of things. chatting is nice.
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so tonight was fun-i haven't laughed that much in a long time. mmm the smell of bonfire-love it.

k sorry but it's old again:

Everything In Its Own Time

Spinning, somewhat like a record
Casting eerie forms upon the wall.
A grandfather clock ticks away unaware.
The candle flickers and wax drips.
The stair creaks and the floorboards moan in exhaustion.
Everything is afflicted with the same illness.
The hearts that live here have become too heavy, to aggrieved.
The man with his feeble mind yet tender thoughts
and the woman so condescending, so inwardly mournful.
They realize that all they once had in common has disappeared.
All that is left is an old house-full of forgotten memories.
These treasures were never to be found again,
hidden so deep in spirit and mind with no one brave enough to attempt the extraction.
And so as the shadows glance from wall to wall, for the last time, everything suddenly stops,
all except for the clock which just keeps ticking, unaware.

Still Left Wondering

So after spending the day at work, brett came over and we spent the night watching ninja turtles and making smores-i love being 5 years old! woot. it was fun. miss someone. that's about it. hoping, waiting. you know the drill.

Alabama

Ghosts dance through Dixie,
and find a craw fish boil in the spring.
Quite a few stories remaining largely deconstructed at a fork in the road.
Surrounded by cotton gins.
Something new slowly pieced together.
One still remains beside an overgrown river cemetery.
Once an attic town with visions of abandoned hamlets and disappeared places.
Travelers visiting chapters of history,
walking in shadows.
Journey through a tortured, haunting war.

Stop Floooooding

Today started out rough, ended fairly happily. That's always good, better than the other way around right? Other than getting sick and having to leave work early, most things were fine. Storming again tonight, what else is new. Of course me being sooo intelligent, I was still sitting out on our trampoline when the lightning started. Sheesh.

So to everyone still in Iowa, stay safe. mmmmk?

So tomorrow, Father's Day...wooo....see how excited I am to play golf? It will be alright, I just haven't played in about a year. Plus the whole actually getting up in the morning thing...lame. Ah, but then to be followed by a glorious lunch, with real homemade food! It's strange, but even though I've been home for almost a week, I have yet to eat a home cooked dinner, or really be home for dinner at all. Ooo and this is for the theatre people: Tony Awards, tomorrow 7pm, who's excited?
Sadly, I am.
And so on to the part where I share. (old also)

Trickery

A dangling thread, a temptation.
A tug, a crash.
It winds around, through, over, under and out.
Nothing can be done to untangle.
Nothing logical.
Nothing ethical.
This teasing string isn’t easy to explain.
Is it love, emotions, thought?
A ribbon of secrecy, floating, twisting, falling gracefully.
“Why does this enthrall you so?
Leave well enough alone.”
You’ve been given this advice all along, but should it be disregarded?
Are you sure it’s something you want to know just for the sake of knowing?
Too late.
It’s being blown out of your grasp anyways.
Learn to jump higher.

People are strange, when you're a stranger

I suppose me doing this everyday might get a bit old, but I have to say, things are turning out strangely. The world is strange and so are the people in it.
Sometimes strange is good. I'm looking forward to seeing what is in store.

Confused? Yea, me too.

This is old:

Tonight

Tonight the world ended.
Lights went out.
Smothered.
Tonight the stars burned out.
My path is now lit only by the faint moonlight.
The easiest way to forgive is to forget.
I hope that’s not true.
Tonight makes me cry,
it makes the day look different.
It makes everything and everyone look different.
As much as I think everyone needs change,
this perspective of life has me trembling,
whether from excitement or sadness I can’t tell.
Tonight is frightening and yet it is almost self-inflicted fear.
Nearly there but can’t make it.
Writing is easy when you feel you have no words.
Tonight the earth got spun of its track.
Spiraling through space is scarier than it seems.
Tonight I retained a friend.
Tonight my heart stopped.
Tonight I fell through darkness and when I awoke,
there was still black.
Tonight I can see someone with a candle walking this way.
They are still very far away.
So tonight I think I’ll sit down and wait for them.

Slowly Responding

So today is a new day, and right now its actually sunny! hope that lasts. Yesterday I noticed that everything happens for a reason, even if they seem bad at the time. Good things are coming out of it already, so thats a plus I think. And so begins the next four days of my life, working 4-close. wooo... Today I think Barnes & Noble might be a possibility, seeing as I have no new books and it is summer, the best time for reading. Anyway, happy reading to you too:



Chatter. Chatter. Loophole.
Save yourself, as is your mannerism.
The burning edges of the leaf smokes out any chance
Of a gasping breath.
Worth is something to comprehend.
Not hardly,
but a greatness that we cannot attain.
And now, we’ve smashed up against this brick wall.
Nothing can faze you now.
Those eyes that made me shiver have gone dead.
No more joy or laughter.
What used to make sense, confuses me now,
Like nothing I have ever known.
Chatter. Chatter. You still can’t tell.
Loophole. You catch and swing right through.
Still smoldering, the leaf is shriveling,
no longer vibrant green, smaller it becomes.
As we go down the line, you notice a blank stare lurking in the shadows.

Just Okay

So time moves even slower when your heart is confused...who'd have thought? Ah well, so it goes.
Shambles describes my life, and somehow i feel relieved. I shall see i guess. And I'm being vague because I don't want to think about it, while at the same time getting it out. Thanks to the people who care. So enough of this. Here are some things I've written recently to distract you from my depressing state.


What To Do

Overheated motion.
Big burn spaces to fill.
Start eying most underdeveloped properties.
Get itchy and think.
Boom or bust.
Most beneficial relationships prove stale.
Move on, onlookers.
Such ways unsettling as marriage.
Hear that another just left.
Place attachments suddenly,
like a bolt, blue after months.
Offers refused.
Change seen insane.
Perfect sellout, quaint days!


Aware

And when I try to move, the stiffness sets deep in my arms.
The way those boards constrict me and my inner thoughts.
Tiny droplets, like pennies on your closed eyes
What a sight to see, strange as the sheen on your cheek
Aloud and wondering the right look to give,
an appropriate silence to love in.